I don't need much social interaction but I do need some. It's like a vitamin which people require in varying amounts. The problem is, the effort involved in regular relationship maintenance can seem; well, not quite daunting, but a disliked chore that often gets put off. Days turn into weeks which can turn into months, and suddenly you realize that you haven't actually had a real conversation with a person for a long time and you miss it.
Or, on a practical note, you may have a sudden urge for the company of others, but you don't have anyone you can realistically call and make impromptu plans with. This happens to me a lot. I get a wild hair and feel like going to dinner or a walk with another person and there is no other person.
This is when advice-givers tell you to seek out a class or meetup group, but to enter a random social situation with a bunch of strangers takes a herculean amount of energy for me. Double if you're sick or depressed.
It's a lonely feeling, and it leads to the same self-loathing that you might experience squeezing into a bathing suit after a few months of undisciplined eating.
What makes it worse is the constant reminder of the high value of social connections. Your body isn't in great shape? It's OK. You don't make a lot of money? Not successful at your job? Don't have a cool hobby? That's not important. What is important, according to society, are your friends, family, the people who have your back.
Obituaries mention the person's many friends and loved ones, as if connections are a measure of quality of life. Every day, you are reminded that relationships are what "really counts."
So when you can't discipline yourself to maintain a minimum level of contact with these people, you feel like a failure at life.
There's also the practical side. You don't get quite the help that having connections affords, whether it's a hand moving into a new apartment or a friend of a friend putting in a good word for you at a potential new job. Throwing parties is a crapshoot.
Introverts aren't generally into hosting social events, but occasionally there will huge milestone -- a marriage or major birthday -- you wish to recognize. And you can, but it ain't going to be a big "bash" with a bunch of people. You also miss out on things like double occupancy rates at hotels, family plans for your mobile data, air travel companion fares.
And people think introverts are weird. That's a fact. Sure, there's the whole "introvert pride" thing on the internet, but in almost every real-life situation, folks are gonna be suspicious of the person who keeps to themselves.
They tend to ascribe a lot of negative traits to the introvert. She's aloof. Snobby. Doesn't give a shit. Has something to hide. Strange. Selfish. And so on. Every once in awhile, it's something good. I've been told I can also come across as "super-smart," or "mysterious," but 80 percent of the time, the introvert is a shady character.
I have taken the formal Myers-Briggs test several times and though I waver between INTJ and INTP, the "I" (for introvert) is never in doubt. One of my goals for 2015 is to get my social life in shape, and by social life I do not mean partying. I mean finding time to talk to people, set the stage for in-person conversation that's not purely functional, doing the maintenance on those relationships that often elude me because I'm never the one to reach out. Gah. Gonna be hard ... harder than getting in physical shape but I believe it's necessary at this point in my life.
Read other answers by Caroline Zelonka on Quora:
- Why do we like people who remind us of ourselves when we were younger?
- What are your emotional hot buttons?
- When are the toughest times to be single?
from Quora https://www.quora.com/What-does-an-introvert-lose-out-on-in-his-her-life/answer/Caroline-Zelonka
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