Wednesday, October 26, 2016

If you woke up as your five year old self tomorrow, with the memories of your lived life intact, what would you do?

Wednesday, January 26, 1994. 7:30 am.

I awaken to the sound of a woman’s voice. She’s enthusiastically wishing me a happy birthday. I can hear her coming up the stairs. Who is it? She sounds familiar.

Wait. Something’s wrong. Yesterday was Friday, September 30th. My birthday isn’t for another four months.

I open my eyes.

I’m in my old childhood bedroom. What happened? Was I in a coma? I thought my parents moved from this place anyway.

I look down. My hands are too small. Legs stubby. Did I get hit by a shrink ray? Nonsense. Shrink rays aren’t real. It’s almost like I’ve be-

“Happy Birthday to my wonderful five-year old boy!”

Five? Five?! What the hell?! This must be some sort of bizarre, elaborate prank. I open my mouth to speak -

“M-mom? H … How? What’re you -”

Wait a second. My voice. My voice!! It’s … it’s like a kid’s! What the HELL is going on?!

“Something wrong, sweetie?” my mom asks.

“O-oh, no.” I quickly say. “I’m fine!”

I must be dreaming. At some point I’ll wake up, and I’ll be back home. None of this makes sense. It has to be a dream.

“Well then, come downstairs! I’ve made you pancakes for breakfast! With chocolate chips!”

I can get behind that.

I go downstairs and get breakfast. I glance at the calendar. January 26, 1994. It’s my birthday alright. And that would make me five years old.

———————————————————————————————————————————-

That was the morning everything changed. That was the morning I realized I’d have to do it all over again. I don’t know who chose this fate for me. I don’t know how or why the clock rewound back to exactly my fifth birthday. Maybe they thought I deserved a second chance.

Wednesday, October 11, 2000, 8:30 pm

Church youth group event. I remember a girl beats me in a game. I get upset, so I push her down to the ground. That memory had always haunted me. This team, I beat her. No pushing necessary.

Friday, November 22, 2002, 9:00 pm

School dance. A girl asks to dance with me during the “lady’s choice” song. She likes me. Last time I asked her why she’d choose me. This time, I ask her out on a date. She accepts.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005, 9:30 am

Auditions for the All-State Festival Orchestra. I practiced my ass off this time. I earn first chair instead of missing the cut.

Friday, April 27, 2007, 10:00 pm

I kiss my prom date goodnight. It’s a different prom date this time. I won’t be with her forever, but I am with her because I wanted to be. Not because she was the first woman to show interest. She invites me in. I lose my virginity again. That took patience.

Friday, June 22, 2007, 5:30 pm

I graduate again from high school. I’m a much better student this time. I break up with my girlfriend that night. I know I’ll need space to operate in college.

Wednesday, March 22, 2009, 1:30 am

I break up with my girlfriend after she tells me she doesn’t give a fuck about the poor. I have no room in my life for people like that.

Friday, May 27, 2011, 5:30 pm

I graduate again from college. I major in music again, but this time I have a dedicated minor in communications. I apply for an internship at a radio station, and get it. A family friend tells me there’s a possible job opportunity at the bank after an unsuccessful summer searching for gainful employment. I decline. If I start that path, there’s no going back.

Saturday, February 23, 2013, 11:00 pm

A girl sits in my lap at a party. I know her. Last time, I made out with her once and we dated for two years. This time, I say no. Somebody better is waiting around the corner.

Friday, September 30, 2016, 3:50 pm

I’m back. I’ve got a job as a producer on a local radio show. It’s not as glamorous as I thought, but I like it. I have a beautiful girlfriend who loves and supports me.

Did I do better? I don’t know. I’m happy. I guess I was happy before. I don’t feel fundamentally changed. Who knows why I went through all that?

In a way, going forward everything will be the same as before. I don’t know what’s coming and I’m going in blind.

Wish me luck.



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