A year ago, I was leaving work when a few friends asked me if I wanted to go out to the bars. It was Friday. Everyone was going.
I shook my head.
“Thanks, but I have plans,” I said. I grabbed my backpack and started making my way.
“It’s Friday! Your plans should be to go out and have fun,” they said.
I nodded. Shrugged. Laughed. Little things to let them know they’d been heard, but I wasn’t going to change my mind.
“Well if you’re not going out, then what are you doing instead?” they asked.
“Working on my book,” I said. “I want to be a writer.”
“You can do it another time,” they said. “Come on, just this once.”
But still, I declined.
We went our separate ways.
A few months later, the same.
“Hey man, do you want to come out with us? There’s a huge party this weekend! You should come.”
I shook my head.
“Ah, I wish I could. But I already have plans,” I said.
“Plans? This is the biggest party of the year! You have to come!” they said.
I nodded. Shrugged. Laughed.
“Like I said, I wish I could.”
They looked very confused—they couldn’t imagine what could possibly be more important.
“Well if you’re not going to the party then what are you doing instead?” they asked.
“Working on my book,” I said. “I want to be a writer.”
This time, they couldn’t hold back.
“Dude! It’s just one night! Let yourself go!”
But still, I declined.
We went our separate ways.
A few months after that, we were all hanging out, grabbing lunch.
“What’s new?” they asked.
“I just published my book,” I said.
They were shocked.
“Really?”
“I’ve always wanted to write a book!”
“Yeah, how did you do it?”
I explained that every single day, for years on end, I had made careful decisions right now based on where I wanted to be later.
We celebrated. They were happy for me.
And then as we were leaving, one of them pulled me aside and said, “Hey, I really want to do what you did. I have a lot of projects I want to get done too. I just have trouble, you know, finishing them.”
As the rest of the guys walked out the door, I asked, “What are you about to go do right now?”
“Right now?” he asked. “We’re about to go watch the Cubs game at a bar down the street.”
I nodded. Shrugged. Laughed.
“Do you know what I’m going to go do?” I asked.
“What?” he said.
“Go work on my next book.”
Working on yourself can mean any number of things.
Here’s the only thing you need to know:
You will be faced with two choices, over and over again, for the rest of your life.
The first choice will be what is easy, what is convenient, what is available, and most importantly, what is encouraged. Other people will want you to do things with them, regardless of what it means for you and your own hopes, dreams, and aspirations.
The second choice will be what you truly want to do. Do you truly want to go watch that Cubs game? Great. Go for it. There is nothing wrong with that. The only thing that is “wrong” occurs when you want one thing but do the complete opposite, over and over again.
You can’t “want” to become something, or someone, and at the same time spend your time in unintentional ways.
You cannot “hope” to become more self-aware without practicing self awareness.
You cannot “want” to be better at a certain skill but only make time for it on the weekends.
You cannot “wish” you were in a different space, or a different job, or a different friend group. You either make it happen, or it never happens.
If you want to start working on yourself, be aware of those two choices:
- What is easy, convenient, and what others want you to do.
- What you know you need to do, for yourself.
The more times you make choices following #2, the faster you will improve and grow in any direction of your life.
But making that choice is the hard part.
Read other answers by Nicolas Cole on Quora:
- How do you stop yourself from feeling dissatisfied with your life?
- How does one focus on being in the present?
- What are five questions that every young adult (20+) should ask him or herself?
from Quora http://ift.tt/2lJppOl
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