A lot of this time is a blur to me. It seemed as if my body had never fully had time to recover from the shock.
I had a very unique relationship with my sister. With her being severely mentally disabled, I did not truly know her as well as other siblings do. She had stayed in a perpetual state of “toddler” - never able to do things on her own, not potty trained, unable to speak in sentences. She knew words such as tio (uncle), mom, dad, and my name, Grace.
My sister had overcome a slew of health issues, and even cancer. Remission for two years until I came home from a concert when I was 16 and my family sat me down in the kitchen.
“The doctors say she is not a good candidate for a bone marrow transplant, and that we should make her comfortable for as much time as she has left.”
Two weeks later, my parents announced their divorce. I spent the next 4 months rehearsing a school play, visiting my sister at the hospice, breaking up with my HS boyfriend. She died 4 months later. You would think this is what I consider the worst part of it.
A few weeks after her death, I was very ignorant and vulnerable and started seeing a boy in my school. After some weeks, he broke up with me by changing his Myspace relationship status.
Bear with me.
I was angry and hurt, but he apologized and I figured it didn’t matter in the long run. He sent me a link over AIM asking for me to take a look at something.
He used this link to hack into my Myspace - all the pictures of me and my sister, poetry, my thoughts, all gone. He had written I’M A NAZI HORE all over the page and messaged my best friend hateful things. For no reason.
I reported this to my school, way back before cyber bullying was a thing. They said I should have better taste in men.
That is when I thought I would never stop crying. Death is natural, relationships end - but the manipulation and cruelty I experienced at such a painful time, for no reason other than (as I later found out) not knowing how to dump a girl fully, is what killed a small part of me.
This guy did “apologize” years and years later, but the damage is done. My sister is gone, my parents barely tolerate each other, and I still struggle with trust issues.
Me and my sister, 2006. RIP.
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