Until recently I would not have given this answer; but since my husband died 10 months ago, I have been filled with envy. I never realized to the degree the world is comprised of couples and families. I am daily reminded that I went from being happily married to being single.
Envy is a frequent, unwelcomed houseguest of my heart. It rants and raves. It storms and demands it's version of justice. My chest becomes tight with pain as I observe those around me enjoying the plentifulness of their coupledom, signing each other with their silent secret language of two. I feel the urge to yank away their sense of satisfaction and to shred it so that they too know my misery.
I'm not happy and I don't want others to be happy either.
Envy squirms and twists my heart until all the beautiful qualities have been squeezed out. Where once my heart was full, content, and generous, now what's left is a dried, cold lump of stone.
I would have never dreamed I would struggle to be a good friend, or that I would wrestle with myself to support and encourage those around me. Instead, I am filled with the desire to curse them all.
Envy is such a terrible emotion.
Read other answers by Kerry McAvoy on Quora:
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How are some people able to channel their emotions through running?
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Whenever I say I am busy or give him a taste of his medicine, he ignores me for days but I never react when he does the same. Whats going on?
- Why do my hands shake when I'm angry but I barely have control over my anger what's happening to me?
from Quora http://ift.tt/29Az6fF
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