But one of the most important life changing experience for me.
I am agnostic no religious facts/events on my experience, but their are some naturals brain drugs that are released when your body is heavily challenged: heavy pain, not being able to breathe, important loss of blood, those are the usual trigger of most NDE.
Familiar with lucid dreaming/out of body experiences, it was pretty close to it but even more intense with a big part of sereneness, well being and wise look over what is important in your life.
Still pretty weird things to live so I am going to try to be the closest to what I felt like, even if it might feel insane.
Sorry, haven't written stories in English in a long time, might not be at it's best.
The story:
I had spend an insane amount of time working, low sleep for months and was on the first day I could actually relax.
I woke up, prepared my breakfast and was going to eat it.
I am quite athletic and have a low Blood pressure, I just took a bite of a peach and swallowing that small piece just shut down the blood from my brain enough to do a syncope (passing out).
So a peach just knocked me out and I simply felt hard on my breakfast tray, on a porcelain bowl and my glass of fruit juice (French breakfast) and was now heavily bleeding, not able breathe and unconscious slipping on the chair and the glass table straight to the floor.
I had no memory of anything nor was aware of what was going on nor knew what I was or where I was;
I was nowhere, there was nothing, no one, no time, but it felt heavenly, warm and were no pain, no gravity, I was released from my body (not the way of lucid dreaming, even further away), and yes there was something like a kind of abstract honey colors but no bright lights or tunnel.
I was extremely high, the most beautiful drug some one could have taken, their was no more issues, no more problems, no more anything, every thing had an answer without the need to ask question, every one of my though was already an answer:
I was dead and it was alright, I am not someone who easily give up so it felt so weird that I was accepting death so warmly; i suddenly recognize all the meaningless things in the world, the abstraction of things, the relativity of life....
I was thrilled, it felt so good, had great explanations about the world I never really could have figured out, still no evidences of a God or anything alike, did not actually even thought of asking.
It seemed more as if I could dig in the data of the universe and do my own interpretation at a blazing speed, or maybe just that now I was dead, I could think clearly about what did actually matters as a living being, felt so normal and weird at the same time.
But too soon to my taste, I was feeling things again, seeing light through my closed eyes lid, feeling the awful weight of gravity, the pain all over my body.
Their was an over stimulation of all my sense, adrenaline was rushing through my veins and I was hearing loud unclear sounds, someone opened my eyes I but could not focus on anything, not able to control any part of my body, I felt like a baby (yes maybe felt like a second birth).
Soon I see unfocused patterns, colors, it is so pretty, I think I am dead but my brain is still working (I read that your brain still work about 5 hours after your death), I roughly understand that what I see is my father and that I am on the ground.
He is panicked (and a doctor, lucky me), he is trying to talk to me and save me, I can't understand what he is saying, I can't move, I am sad that my family will miss me and would like to tell him that everything is okay, I was now ready to die, it is a lot better than the suffering of now, yes, I definitely prefer to die, the amount of pain is unbearable and it is going worse.
The more I get control over my body, the worse the pain.
I finally understand my father, he is blinding one of my eyes and ask me if I can see anything, I start to get some lucidity back, a bit troubled that I am back on earth, alive;he asks again, loud.
Why every thing seems to be so loud? I feel like I can hear the air, the wind, the leaves, the cars, so much, too much. Maybe just the hit of my head on the table and on the ground?
I nod as I take a glance on the light coming from the windows; so beautiful colors, the yellows, the blues, the whites of the walls, the red of the blood running on my face and through my eyes like a photographic filter.
As I pass my hand onto my painful eyebrow and the wound flowing blood all over my eyes, my father asks an other time for the other eye.
I want to answer but impossible, I remember that this body needs air; it did not seem obvious at all at that moment.
I notice that I can't breathe, panic build up as the memory of the peach comes back.
It would be so stupid to die again of suffocation;
I cough as hard as I can and feel a tremendous pain from my chest as parts of the bowl and glass stabbed into my chest fall on the ground.
I swallow the assassin bite of peach with an insane feeling of triumph while still feverishly joining my father extracting the shattered bites of porcelain and glasses stuck into my face, torso and ribs.
I stayed in bed for a bit less than two days, not able to do much without feeling like I was going to faint.
My body was so weak, so weird and still I was so changed, so mentally strong.
I never asked how long I had stayed there, maybe the fear I might have lost some brain cells?
I spend the time I wasn't able to get up thinking about what happened and since, I do not fear death anymore, it was the sweetest feeling and the most interesting spiritual experience I ever felt.
I knew I should not try to find logic to Humanity, why we are here.... because you have to find your answer yourself, there isn't one already made, so I felt responsible for myself and in the same time had no respectability to succeed in anything.
I should not try to find a god or anything like that (I was atheist before the event, I am probably more agnostic since); If I should have changed my mind or believed in anything, there would have been someone/something there to tell me so or to show up and if it has, it is not as any monotheist religion actually think it is.
There are probably no heaven or hell, both the feeling are just dependent on how you are dying and how fast your brain does release those awesome drugs.
I don't do drugs but I would love to do those again, at least probably one more time maybe :D, but I only experienced them when my father did try to wake me up, there might have been nothing if he had not.
Hopefully I have not been disfigured that day, just a slightly bend nose and most of the scars are only visible because of the lack of some facial and chest hairs.
As porcelain is not considered a foreign body, I still pull some out ~5 years after the event.
This experience got me less worried about life, it's meaning and it's expectation, I am glad it occurred at about 18yo.
What I should care about, what i should not.
That therefore life has no meaning, you are responsible for the ones you give it to.
That life is painful (but people do not notice how much) and beautiful (and people do not notice either how much), it is a great journey overall, try to make other's life less heavier and enjoy it with the most people you can, carrying and valuing it as it is a fragile world we live on and we have no others.
Frankly, it is the first time I write it and it feel good, thank you.
Read other related questions on Quora:
- Can we confirm that soul exists from near death experience?
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from Quora http://ift.tt/29ZHjuO
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