My sister’s suicide. ( Debbie is on the right of me at my nieces graduation)
Imagine 50 years of being with your best friend, growing up, sharing secrets, in each other's weddings. We went through our parents tragic divorce. She had been molested by our father after the divorce. Being there for surgeries ( she had many major surgeries). I was her birth coach for her two kids. We loved, sometimes fought, but called each other every day. She came to live with my family and me after she moved out of her boyfriends house. I should have known how serious her condition was….she had become addicted to pain killers. She was acting crazy and I wasn't sure why she was so mean and different. I got her a job at my company of 23 years. At the brink of being fired after 2 months, she left to go live with our mother. I was ecstatic.
Until my mom found her dead. More morphine, oxycodone and whatever else she had….and a note. But she said she was “.going to Jesus, because He is the only one who loves her”. She never said goodbye to me, her kids. No one.
How did this effect me?
I don't get close to anyone anymore. I am numb towards death. I removed myself from religion, every aspect of it. I”ll let thoughts consume me for hours daily on how I should have given her help. I feel guilty because I sang out “ how glad I was that she had left ( our home) “. I'm synacle ( spelling) and sarcastic. I can't stand to do anything except work at my job, because down time makes the demons come. My husband asked me a year ago “ how often do you think about your sister?” I answered “ it used to be every second. It's better now, it's only every minute now”.
And it will have been 6 years ago in October
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from Quora http://ift.tt/29GBIHn
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