How do I stop being very nice and care less about people’s feelings?
You don't. You’re asking the wrong question.
Your problem is not that you care about others. Your problem is that you don't care about yourself.
You prioritize the needs of other people above your own. That means you have no boundaries. You are dishonest; you lie and say yes to requests when the answer is really no. You permit others to run roughshod over you because for whatever reason, you think their needs matter and yours don't.
A person who prioritizes his own needs over others is a selfish asshole. A person who prioritizes other people's needs over his own is a codependent asshole. In order to be healthy and have healthy relationships, you must consider the needs of other people, but you must consider your own needs, too.
It is not wrong to say no to other people. It doesn't mean you don't care. It doesn't mean you want to hurt them. But here's the thing: if you always, always say yes even when you want to say no, that makes you dishonest and means you can't be trusted. Of course people will take advantage of you; why wouldn't they?
You do not become a good person by valuing only the needs of others. You become a good person by valuing the needs of everybody. You are part of that “everybody.” Your needs matter too.
This is the essence of setting boundaries, and it is not possible to truly be compassionate if you cannot set boundaries.
Read other answers by Franklin Veaux on Quora:
- Would you rather be yourself and nobody likes you or not be yourself and everybody likes you?
- Am I imagining my feelings and thoughts? Is this depression?
- How do I overcome the feeling that recruiters from staffing agencies don't really care about you and drop you like hot potatoes as soon as they don't need you?
from Quora http://ift.tt/2kBNnwX
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