My mom was very sick when I was a child but she looked completely healthy. She would be in bed all the time, rarely go out, do nothing around the house chore-wise or making dinner etc., and it honestly just appeared like she was very lazy. My dad did everything as well as work full-time. My mom had some good days and weeks but for the most part, it was bad. I'd find her passed out at the kitchen table in her week-old PJs. She also took tons of pills and went to the hospital a lot because she had really bad headaches. On top of all of this, she was mentally ill with very serious issues that I also didn't understand so I had a lot of animosity and anger towards her and really was a pretty bad daughter about it all. She claimed she had fibromyalgia among some other related illnesses but I couldn't wrap my head around it at that age. Mom = lazy, moody, unstable slob. That's what I thought and it was very hard to deal with. I thought she didn't love me.
In 2007, when I was 15, she died unexpectedly. This is when I learned more about the illnesses she had, both physical and mental, but I still couldn't wrap my head around it and my anger lingered.
Then in 2010, I fainted. I didn't think much of it until it kept happening and finally I found myself in and out of the hospital with these mysterious symptoms that no one could explain. I was in pain all the time and did nothing for days on end except lay in bed. I looked perfectly healthy for the most part but inside I was a wreck. I had to drop out of school and my life just went downhill. On top of that, my mental health declined and just last year I found myself in a psychiatric unit - the same one my mom would go to.
I was literally her. Everything she went through was now bestowed unto me. I understood everything she went through with such clarity and it just destroyed me to think about how alone and scared she must've been when her own daughter shut her out and didn't believe her or thought she was making it up and was a bad mom.
So basically I treated my mom like crap when she was alive because I had zero understanding of the situation.
A few years after she died, I got hit with very similar issues and am now being treated like crap by many people on top of having to navigate the scary unknowns and being cared for by incompetent and ignorant medical health professionals at times.
I can see so clearly now her daily struggle but it doesn't matter because she's dead. I am in her exact situation and it feels like karma. It sure is a bitch.
The irony of it all is too much.
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from Quora http://ift.tt/1OwuVR7
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