I have a friend who gives no fucks.
Let's call this girl Sasha.
Sasha doesn't give a fuck, about: what people think of her; about seeming like she's being too sales-y; or about being too forward with men and potentially getting rejected.
She wants what she wants, and she's not ashamed about it.
A few years ago, she got hired at a job in a management position, received a ridiculous salary well into the six figures including commission and a signing bonus that was more money than I'd ever even sneezed on in a single day.
She hated working at the company and quickly realized it was a terrible fit, so she quit the second or third week.
She kept the signing bonus, and proceeded to travel around the world for the next several months.
Sasha knows she's awesome. She has higher self-esteem and is less insecure than anybody I've ever met.
She talks openly about her sexscapades, drug use and wild adventures.
She's not stupid. She understands that the more open she is about that, the more people will trust her.
And that's huge, because in the industry she works in, she needs to build trust very, very quickly.
And she intimidates a lot of people, because, truthfully, most people give way too many fucks, but Sasha doesn't.
So when she starts out a story with, "That time I gallivanted around Europe with a complete stranger and fucked in a whole bunch of cities," most people freak out. She doesn't care.
She's not a sociopath.
She knows how to be appropriate in the right settings, but she's not willing to push things really, really far.
And she absolutely kills it: she's always an A-player at whatever organization she's running; she meets tons of incredible people from all over the world and has stories that will literally make you shit your dick; and when somebody does reject her -- which is rare, but it still happens -- she simply brushes it off and says, well, that business/dude/acquaintanc
As Mark Manson would write, she has mastered the subtle art of not giving a fuck [1].
It's not a tangible skill set -- not like accounting, programming or sales -- but I'd argue that it's way, way more valuable than almost anything else out there.
The Importance of Giving Less Fucks
The list of famous celebs and personalities who give almost zero fucks is ginormous:
- Kanye West. You know this already.
- Richard Branson, probably just about one fuck [2].
- Taylor Swift, no fucks. Not after her letter to Apple [3].
- Amy Schumer, generally not. And especially her mom's cat [4].
In doing anything difficult -- anything that forces you to stand out in any capacity, which is basically anything that's not a cushy corporate office job -- you'll naturally run into obstacles.
Those obstacles might be your friends: they'll tell you to get a normal job like a boring fucking person; or, they'll insist that your boyfriend sucks even though you love him and want to live a magical life with them; or that quitting your job, divorcing your wife and moving across the country because it feels right, is absolutely insane.
They might be. In fact, they probably are.
But the problem is, as Manson writes [5], we only have so many fucks to give throughout our days and weeks and years.
And if we spend all of that time and energy on giving fucks for and to other people, we won't have any for ourselves.
And that sucks. Because throughout any new, difficult and exasperating process of self-discovery, you'll already be spending an exorbitant amount of time and energy giving a fuck about yourself.
Because you'll feel lost and scared and angry and like you're going down the wrong path, and you'll need those fucks.
You'll need all 100% of those fucks.
How to Give Less Fucks
What I'm not encouraging you to do is: be a sociopath, murder people on a whim and rape and/or pillage.
Keep your shit in your pants you deviant.
What I am encouraging you to do is find ways to stand out so that, over time, the number of fucks you give when you do fall on your ass or embarrass yourself will almost always be less than the number of fucks you have on reserve. Including:
- Regularly Putting Yourself in Uncomfortable Situations. I try to speak in front of audiences as often as possible. Now, those situations aren't nearly as uncomfortable for me because I've slowly gotten better at them. Other situations include: dance-classes, especially if you suck at dancing (something that Howie Reith regularly writes about); cold-calling strangers, particularly if you're terrified; or simply reaching out to and trying to connect with people who are way outside of your reach. Like Richard Branson. Try to pinpoint instances like that daily.
- Failing Hard and Disappointing Everyone. If you've ever experienced catastrophic failure or rejection, you already know exactly how this feels: it fucking sucks. It's miserable. You sweat a lot. You sound like an idiot. And then you just say, fuck that, on to the next one. And you do whatever you can to avoid having that happen to you ever again. Embarrassment forces you to get real. And teaches you how to give less fucks, too.
- Being Yourself and Not Apologizing About It. I curse like a trucker because I'm 12, and I make lude jokes in public with complete strangers about molly-hangovers and, almost always, when I order a stimulant at a coffee-shop or grocery store that, better this than crack-cocaine, right? People laugh, sometimes. Other times, they're totally uncomfortable. That's good. I'm myself. I don't try to put on a face. You should either. And you should never feel like you have to apologize for who you are. Fuck everyone else.
Think of your fucks like your reserve in a gas-tank. If you're pretty steady on the pedal, and chill on the braking, you can make those fucks last a really long time.
Focus on making those fucks last as long as possible.
Be like Sasha.
...
Lastly, I compiled 7 of my best interviews with successful entrepreneurs (including Dave Kerpen) and their advice on giving less fucks and dealing with failure into a totally free download. Get those interviews here.
Footnotes
[1] The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
[2] Branson: I couldn't stop Virgin America sale
[3] http://I have a friend who gives...
[5] The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
Read other answers by Michael Kilcoyne on Quora:
- How can I deal with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem?
- Are there any positive benefits of laziness and procrastination?
- How can I stop worrying about what other people think?
from Quora http://ift.tt/2byQb9P
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