This was easy to answer for me. In the 80s I was a long distance runner. Running was one of the few things I could do anywhere and I was working all the time and traveling. I ran at least five miles every day and sometimes up to 13 or more miles on the weekend. I felt great.
Unfortunately, all that pounding, pounding, pounding on my body did damage to my back. I herniated a disk and was often in great pain. I developed sciatica. It was so bad I didn't think I could continue on with my life if I had to carry this pain. The only time it didn't hurt was when I was running -- but as soon as I stopped, it killed me.
I went to the doctor and he said, "You have two choice. The first is surgery. We will attempt to excise the gelatinous disk material that has herniated towards your spine. If we are successful then you will be good to go. The other option is to take a good Yoga class. The stretching will help open your spine and allow the disk to return to its original shape. I have to warn you that with the surgical approach there's always the risk we could nick the myelin or your spinal cord and paralyze you. I don't want you to think I am trying to influence you but I know which option I would pick, and I'm a back surgeon!"
So I signed up for a yoga course. I felt like an idiot. I was the only man in the class. It was on the top floor of a Boston luxury building and the teacher's name was Judy Scrivner-Moore. At first I thought she was just a hippy. By the end of the class I was totally in love with her as a human being. Yoga wasn't a "thing" for her -- it was her life. She glowed with every graceful movement. Love and calmness exuded from her in waves. I never wanted to leave that class. I came back whenever I could. With each class I found myself loving it more and more and more. I signed up for Kripalu class. It was taught by a man. Again, I was the only man in the class. At first I thought he was just a hippy there to score cute Yoga girls -- but then I saw he wasn't interested in them sexually at all. He was interested only in passing along the Yoga. It was stupid at first, there were candles and chants. But by the end of the class, I couldn't wait to come back. Meanwhile, I was back in Judy's class too. Not only was my body improving but I was meeting beautiful, calm, centered women in yoga pants on a regular basis. My Sciatica went away. My back problems disappeared. I joined a Kundalini class. I was really getting into Yoga. Finally, I ended the cycle back in Judy's class.
One night we were doing the same routines we did every other night, but something was different. Everything came easy to me. As I stretched, I could actually feel pleasure and calmness flowing through my body. I was in touch with my inner energy. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before, neither has it happened to me again since. I was so centered, calm and happy that I started to weep tiny silent tears. I could feel joy. I could see joy. I think this must be close to what they mean when they say you achieve "Nirvana". I have never in my life, before or since, felt this way. When the class was over I was sky high. In college I did many diffferent kinds of drugs but never in my life was I as high as I was at that moment. Judy looked at me and she knew. She took my hands in her hands, despite all the other students and she looked at me with the loving glow she always had, and smiled and said, "I am so happy for you." and I felt love for everyone on that class and for the first time in my life, all feelings of fear disappeared. I could have done anything at that moment, I knew my future was assured, that I would always be ok, and that I loved everyone on the planet and my heart was busting with love for mankind.
And then I wandered out of the building and into the Boston Public Garden. Anyone will tell you that to wander into a public park after 10 PM is sheer folly, and I knew it, but I had no fear at all. I just wanted to be among the plants and trees and grass and the big sky and stars. And I stood there and turned in a circle, staring up at the sky in wonder. I have never been more calm, more centered, more pain-free on every single level, than I was in that moment. I didn't know how long it would last but I was thrilled to be there. And as I walked out of the gate, a girl from the class walked by. Without a single hitch of fear or consternation I said to her, "You're Mary from Judy's yoga class, aren't you?" and she stopped and looked at me and said, "Yes," and then I said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, "Let's go out next week and get dinner." I didn't ask, I just said it, calmly, as if talking to a friend. And she said, "I would love that," and she gave me her phone number and address and cell phone number on a piece of paper. She REALLY wanted to make sure I contacted her. And then we stood there and stared at the sky in total comfort. I doubt she was feeling what I felt at that moment, but for me, there was no uncomfortable silence, no pressure to speak, no fear or worry of rejection. I was as certain that everything would work out with her as I was of the concrete beneath my feet. I walked her to her car, or rather, she walked, I floated on air. It had nothing to do with her. I suddenly realized why the Yogis were said to be able to levitate. Maybe it wasn't their bodies that rose into the air, maybe it was just their spirits because I knew, in that moment, that with a few more sessions like this, I could do it too. I felt so perfect in that moment.
The next morning I woke up fresh and clean, with no back pain. I felt a tingle of pleasure in my body. However, the vicissitudes of life served to bring me back to reality soon enough. But I remembered that feeling. I wanted it back. But when I went to the classes it was with too much pushing to achieve it. I never got it back again. It wasn't about trying to achieve it, it was about accepting the feeling as a side effect of the work, the yoga. I couldn't force it to happen. But I was never able to achieve it again.
And yet in all the years that have past I have never, ever forgotten that evening and the feeling I had, the calmness, the love and I am guessing that is how Judy feels every single day.
I went out with Mary for over a year.
Read other answers by Jay Bazzinotti on Quora:
- What is the happiest thing you have ever experienced in life?
- What is the most honest thing you've ever said, done or written till now?
- Have you ever almost died and had something inexplicable save you?
from Quora https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-most-soul-satisfying-thing-you-have-ever-done-in-your-life/answer/Jay-Bazzinotti
No comments:
Post a Comment